Reading for Two

One of the most frustrating aspects to me of having a spouse with depression is the PRN necessity to be emotionally mature enough for two people.  I expect that this is necessary at some points in any marriage, but it's frustrating to me regardless.

Last Wednesday and Thursday I started feeling really weighed down, the way that I usually do when Dave's depression is worsening (lots of reasons for that, but I won't go in to them here).  I asked him how he was feeling, and he said he was doing fine.  He was playing video games more and talking less, as he often does when he's down, but he said he was doing just fine.  So I had to double-evaluate:

1) Am I really sure of what I am noticing in Dave?  Am I reading his emotional state correctly?
2) And since he says that's not right, what else can be making me feel that way?  What is wrong with my initial interpretation of my own emotions?

Now, it turns out he was feeling pretty down, and didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to worry me.  In this case my initial reaction was right, but it isn't always.  When Dave is down, I feel like I have to emotionally read both of us, and in two ways.  First, as in this case, I have to evaluate how I think Dave is doing, and then check my own emotions to see if they are clouding the truth.  But additionally, I have to weigh different emotional responses.  When Dave is feeling really down, I try to be aware of his emotional state at the same time I'm figuring out my own.  Sometimes I'm angry at the same time that he is feeling most down and in need of comfort, and I have to figure out which need is more important.    

There's a lot of "have to"s in this post.  I know I don't have to do any of this, but it feels like I should, and that's probably why I end up feeling frustrated.