With Music Strong I come

I've really struggled with the decision whether or not to make a public blog about my experience with my husband's depression.  On the one hand, I'm hesitant to share my life with Joe Schmoe on the internet, and I'm slightly hesitant to share these experiences with even those close to me.


But on the other hand, I have scoured the internet for blogs of people with depressed spouses.  I have been desperate to know what other people are experiencing, and to know if they go through anything like me.  I haven't been able to find much, but maybe other people out there are searching, too.


And I do want those close to me to at least have access to my experience.  Maybe it will help them to know what I've been dealing with - more likely it will help me to have them know, and it will help me to document it.  


So I've decided to put this blog out there.  I've gone through all of my journal entries since Dave's depression started getting bad, and I've posted everything relevant here.  (FYI, Dave has read through everything and is okay with my posting it).  


***
With music strong I come, with my cornets and my drums,
I play not marches for accepted victors only, I play marches for conquered and slain persons.
Have you heard that it was good to gain the day?
I also say it is good to fall, battles are lost in the same spirit in which they are won.
I beat and pound for the dead,
I blow through my embouchures my loudest and gayest for them.
Vivas to those who have failed!
And to those whose war vessels sank in the sea!
And to those themselves who sank in the sea!
And to all generals that lost engagements, and all overcome heroes!
And the numberless unknown heroes equal to the greatest heroes known!


I want this blog, like the experience it's supposed to document, to celebrate and beat and pound for Dave, regardless of the outcome of our battle to manage his depression.  I am grateful every day - I think I can honestly say every day, even though some days it's muted or overcome by other things - for his constant work to overcome his depression.  He really does work all the time to do whatever he can to lighten his load, and by extension to lighten mine.


And I also want this blog to play music for me, regardless of outcome.  I am working every day, too.
We, like so many others out there, are fighting a good fight.