9/19/10
Dave has remained depressed, although not quite so bad as last week. We were able to get a new, higher dose of a medication for him, which we hope will help. If not, at least we are at the hopeful stage of the journey, and there are lots of other options we could try.
I myself have been really, really labile – within the same day I can be really happy and then later really miserable, with little or no provocation. I have never felt like this before. I am in a major life transition, from school to work, as well as from performance-based self-esteem to not, and I wonder if this has anything to do with it. Regardless, it isn’t enjoyable. It could also be how much free time I suddenly have (I guess that goes with the transition). I am still figuring out what hobbies I want to have, what I want to be involved in in my free time. I’m learning to sew right now, and I’m starting to do yoga periodicially, but I feel like I’m still figuring out who I want to be and what I want to do. It feels like a blank slate in a lot of ways.
I had been feeling just a little… disappointed, I guess, that Dave doesn’t surprise me often anymore. When he’s depressed I know that he has less energy for anything, including writing me notes or getting me flowers or making me breakfast, or any of those wonderful things he has done for me so often in the past. I try to be understanding of that, but I have also felt just a little lonely, somehow, the past few days. So today when I woke up and saw a letter to me on the table, I was so grateful. It was a wonderful letter, where Dave told me about how he still loved me just as much as he had when we were teenagers and even more, how I amazed him. I loved the letter, but even more I loved that he had written it and surprised me with it. That was a blessing for me.
Dave has remained depressed, although not quite so bad as last week. We were able to get a new, higher dose of a medication for him, which we hope will help. If not, at least we are at the hopeful stage of the journey, and there are lots of other options we could try.
I myself have been really, really labile – within the same day I can be really happy and then later really miserable, with little or no provocation. I have never felt like this before. I am in a major life transition, from school to work, as well as from performance-based self-esteem to not, and I wonder if this has anything to do with it. Regardless, it isn’t enjoyable. It could also be how much free time I suddenly have (I guess that goes with the transition). I am still figuring out what hobbies I want to have, what I want to be involved in in my free time. I’m learning to sew right now, and I’m starting to do yoga periodicially, but I feel like I’m still figuring out who I want to be and what I want to do. It feels like a blank slate in a lot of ways.
I had been feeling just a little… disappointed, I guess, that Dave doesn’t surprise me often anymore. When he’s depressed I know that he has less energy for anything, including writing me notes or getting me flowers or making me breakfast, or any of those wonderful things he has done for me so often in the past. I try to be understanding of that, but I have also felt just a little lonely, somehow, the past few days. So today when I woke up and saw a letter to me on the table, I was so grateful. It was a wonderful letter, where Dave told me about how he still loved me just as much as he had when we were teenagers and even more, how I amazed him. I loved the letter, but even more I loved that he had written it and surprised me with it. That was a blessing for me.
So, did any of those hobbies work out for you?
ReplyDeletealso...Dave is really sweet. You two might possibly be the cutest couple ever.
Good question! I still sew occasionally, but it's more something that I feel like I need to learn rather than something I love doing all the time.
ReplyDeleteI think my greatest hobby, if you can call it that - certainly one of my greatest joys - is being engaged in other people's lives. So the more that I visit with others, usually in laid-back environments, the happier I tend to be. So talking to you on the phone is great!