Return of Hope

7/6/11

Dave and I journaled and talked for a long time last night.  One of my favorite things about Dave is that no matter how late it is, no matter what else he has going on, he will set everything aside and hold me and listen to me.  In addition to that, when his depression isn't so severe that he shuts down, he really tries to understand how I am feeling, even when I am feeling some negative emotions about him.  And so after listening to me last night, he told me that he had always been amazed at my strength, and it hadn't really occurred to him that it was hard for me to be strong, that it was a constant struggle and effort.  It felt good to have that acknowledged, and to be thanked for it.

But my beloved also responded to so many of my other concerns.  Today he dropped me off at work, and when he picked me up he had my favorite chocolate in the car for me.  He told me he had planned a date for that evening.  When I got home, there was a letter for me on our bed.  I always know that Dave loves me, but his letter showed me how that love keeps developing, even when sometimes I think depression has it stalemated.

We went to the canyon, made a bonfire, and roasted hot dogs and marshmallows.  Dave taught me how to breathe fire!  I felt closer to him and happier just being with him than I can remember in the past year.  It was wonderful.

It felt like such a relief, like a day off, to have him plan everything and take complete care of me.  It felt like a reprieve.  It felt like hope.