Slump and my own issues

Dave said he was having a harder time on Wednesday and Thursday this week.  He told me he just couldn't be motivated to do his homework, and so he cleaned the house and did laundry instead.  When he first started telling me that the past couple days had been hard, and he hadn't been able to do homework, it felt a little like slipping right back into all the old feelings of being trapped and afraid.  But when he said that he had done housework instead, it was like a big burden had been lifted off my shoulders.  I had been dreading doing that housework, and to know that Dave had done it, that he had worked for our family even when he wasn't feeling on the top of his game, felt like a ball and chain being unlocked.  

I had to remind him that that was wonderful, and appreciated, because he was still feeling like he hadn't done anything.  But that is a huge difference to me, and I think he was able to acknowledge that at least to some extent.  

And now on to my own slump.  One of my friends asked me recently if I thought I had any depression.  I said I didn't think so, and I still don't, but my perfectionism is seriously flaring up.  I worked on it in therapy for a few months last summer, and after those sessions and then a few more months of application, I felt so happy.  For probably the first time in my life, I felt like I had a personality, that I was someone unique and innately valuable and separate from my achievements.    

And for the past several weeks I haven't felt like that.  I have been recognizing a lot more black-and-white thinking, overwhelming, labeling, and should-ing in my thoughts.  I made a mistake at work yesterday that my (incredibly cool, btw) boss had to take some time to correct.  She didn't put any blame on me, said that it was completely understandable and she was glad I was able to help her by phone, but I still felt guilty, so guilty I couldn't really focus on the conversations my brothers were having.  I just wanted to be able to forget all about it.  I haven't felt this way in a long time.  I make mistakes -everybody does.  It shouldn't traumatize me like that (and there's another should).  The worst part about when I get like this is that I already feel overwhelmed by everything I have to do to fulfill all my obligations perfectly, and then I add to that "overcome perfectionism," even though I have no idea how to do that.

So I have my own issues I'm attempting to work through.  I'm grateful that Dave always, always will set aside whatever he is going through to help me when I am in need.