I feel anxious and very tense. Part of that is my own anxiety about getting schoolwork done, and part of it is anxiety that Dave slept in late today and then didn't do anything. It's really hard to separate, sometimes, how much of my anxiety is really from school, and I'm just transferring it to Dave. But I have been worried tonight.
After he has been doing so well (more about that later), this seems like a day right out of a rougher patch from the past 6 months.
So my thought process tonight goes something like this:
- This feels like a bad day. It feels like a dangerous day, like one that could trigger a spiral down.
- Do I comment on it? Maybe I'll make Dave feel bad if I do. Maybe things are fine, but if I comment then Dave will feel bad, and that will lead to a spiral down.
- Do I not comment on it? But in the past when I've been quiet, it has just added to the problem. Sometimes things got better when I was more open.
I end up feeling so trapped either way.
But I'm circumventing all of it by writing this and having Dave read it. That way, I process my feelings by writing them out, and I also get to be open and find out what would work best for him.
Hopefully that works?
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