Before I say anything else, things are still going well for us. Things fluctuate, of course - last week, there were some things Dave felt excited about, which was worth worlds to us, and this week Dave says that he feels uncertain that happiness is really possible, but he's still willing to try things out. And that is wonderful, for both of us. This feels so good, to Dave and to me.
But I wanted to talk about how quick things can change. How quick my feelings can change.
It took 3 months of things going well before I completely stopped worrying about Dave when he was late. Before I didn't have a little thought in the back of my mind that maybe Dave had passed out in a closet somewhere.
And it took only one expression that he wasn't doing well before it all came back.
I wish I could stop that reaction. And mostly I can - after that first reaction comes up, I can remember that Dave is doing well, and that even when he's not, he always protects himself, mostly for my sake. But it seems important to write down how fast that reaction comes back.
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