Will my perfectionism sink me in self doubt and loathing?
Will I still make time for Dave?
How will I do that?
A few days ago, Dave thought about dropping out because he feels so little interest in school. He says he feels little interest in anything, but some ideas are much more interesting than school. I am all for whatever gives him any particle of joy, though I worry about leaving behind an insitution he has invested so much time in and that offers so many benefits. He decided to stay in school, particularly after talking to his mom, but I worry about his lack of interest. What will happen if that interest lags or disappeares completely? What will happen if he starts to do poorly - can he/we continue to feel or do okay if that happens?
I worry a little about our habits, too. Our therapist really encouraged us to eat better (apparently 4-5 bowls of cereal a day doesn't count as adequate nutrition), sleep more, exercise, and go on dates. We've gotten reasonably good at all of those things, but it took us months to establish those habits. What will happen this semester? I keep thinking, how can I possibly maintain these while I'm working, studying, and doing sessions? Maybe Dave won't be quite as busy as me and can help out, but I doubt that, and even if that would work, if his depression becomes worse he won't be able to.
I feel like these questions fill and surround me like bees, buzzing and demanding my attention, so that my focus flits from one to the next, and my stomach churns. A lot of it is my anxiety about my own performance and enjoyment in my master's program, but that is all tied together with my concerns for Dave and for our life together this semester. Maybe all these concerns will go away in a week, once I remember how to live the school life, but I worry that they won't.
